The last week has been incredible in regards to beginning to seek God more. Over the last year God has really been changing my heart and drawing me in. In the last month though He has been drawing me in a new way. He is drawing me closer to His heart, to what He desires for His people in which is to pray. Seeking God not in a formatted prayer but desperate seeking of His presence and empowerment and direction. The last month I have began to really understand what it means to pray, to pray without ceasing. I am not proclaiming to have it all figured out, actually I am no where near that, but my heart is hungry for it. I am hungry for God, its a hunger that He is placing there. One of the biggest things I believe the Lord is teaching me in this is that its not what I say, but its with the attitude of my heart that He cares about. He wants us to come to Him, listen and press into Him. Verses that come to mind when I want to seek God is Jeremiah 29:11-13 when God says "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the LORD, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive." I know in my life that I can get held captive to the things of this society, that tells me that I cant know God, that tells me its all about us. Alot of times we can forget that we have seek God to have the thoughts of peace, to know Him. He wants us to pursue desperately after Him, praying with all our hearts, not having the fancy words but the heart that desires Him. God wants to rescue us, He wants to deliver the whole world from our sin, but it takes our part of repentance, but also our intercessions for God to pour out His Spirit upon us in this generation. I am trying to understand how to do this, to really know God to think rightly of Him and what I am learning is that it is about pressing into Him, in His word and prayer allowing Him to speak as we listen and seek.
As I was reading today in Mark 2 I was reminded of the Faith that Jesus calls for us to have, desperate faith to bring ourselves to Him, to bring others to Him. Learning from the passage about the question about fasting in which the scripture says: 9 Jesus said to them,"The wedding guests cannot fast while the groom is with them, can they? As long as they have the groom with them, they cannot fast.But the time will come when the groom is taken away from them, and then they will fast in that day. No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment. Otherwise, the new patch pulls away from the old cloth, and a worse tear is madeAnd no one puts new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and the wine is lost as well as the skins.But new wine is for fresh wineskins." In this passage it spoke to me after looking at the commentary to not let my heart become rigid and not allow for my heart to be open to Jesus to reveal new things to me, to not let my heart doubt or fear but to believe that Jesus is the groom and I am apart of His bride and that I shouldn't try so hard on my own but to just look to Him.
I also came upon the book of Joel. The prophet Joel was prophesing to the people of Israel about "The day of the Lord" meaning a great happening. In this case it was talking about the northern armies coming to take over Israel. Reading commentary about it and thinking about the other books that prophesy about the future day of Gods judgement on the earth. In the first two chapters Joel was petitioning the people to get out of their complacency, to cry out to God, to cry out for forgiveness, to seek God. Chapter 2:12-14 really caught my heart today. "Even now--the Lords declaration--turn to Me with ALL your heart, with fasting, weeping, and mourning. Tear your hearts, not just your clothes, and return to the Lord your God. For He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, rich in faithful love, and He relents from sending disaster. Who knows? He may turn and relent and leave a blessing behind Him..." The problem with us in our society is that we like to hold onto parts of our hearts, we want to enjoy the desires of the things around of us. God is calling us though to put away those things, to search our hearts, to get rid any bit of sin and selfishness out of it and give it totally to Him. Many of other scriptures back this up. The call for us in our day today I believe is to stop trying so hard on our own strength, own our own intellectucal capacity and trust Gods capacity to save us, to give us freedom, to know His love before He comes back and we will have to account for all we havent been doing. What helps me is to know that God is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, rich in faithful love...He doesnt want to see us struggle so much, He is right here waiting for His creation to trust Him, to call out to Him. I might know everything but this is what He has placed on my heart. I know I desire to be doing what He calls me to do. Right now I know it is to pursue him with all I have. God is wanting to pour out His Spirit on His people. He wants to be our Spirit, but we cant continue to shut Him out, there has to be a change. I know the change has to start in my heart, I know that I must learn to trust Him regardless of what I may feel or think. To really know Jesus, to live for the kingdom, to understand the things of God is what I yearn for. I want to see God move in a mighty way like He has proven to do, I dont want just the ordinary, but I want the extraordinary. God is an extraordinary God, an awesome, a power and Majestic God who loves us, He loves us! I dont understand this love, but I want to run after it everyday as long as I live.
I don't want to hold back, to hold back my heart from God, from His presence, because thats all that satisfies.
